Why He Friendzoned Me After Hook Up

So, you hooked up with the dude. Maybe you even felt it was leading somewhere more serious—cozy dates, meeting his friends, all that jazz. But, no, instead he's hit you with the dreaded "Let's just be friends" talk. Ouch, right? You might be thinking, "Why did he friendzone me if he likes me?" Trust me, you are not alone in this league of confusion. Most people are put in this kind of situation and start thinking about where things went wrong.

In this blog, we'll cover all the reasons he friendzoned you after getting intimate. We'll also talk about what to do if he friendzoned you but still flirts, gets jealous, or if it's confusing because you don't know if you are just stuck in the friendzone. Let's break up all of this so that you can finally understand and then know how to proceed.

What Is the Friendzone and Why Does It Suck So Bad?

Let's be real; getting friendzoned sucks. It is that very strange place, being next to someone but not really that close. You're available for all the emotional support but without either getting what you want. It feels irksome, for you can see the potential that a relationship with this person has to offer, though they simply do not reciprocate your feelings. Therefore, you are at a point way too awkward: you are giving much more emotionally than you are receiving.

Add a hookup to the mix, and things only get messier. You've kind of established an intimate rapport now; you'll tend to feel closer to him, but at the same time you'll feel distant, for instead of taking the turn towards a relationship, he friendzoned you. That's when confusion and overthinking happen. But don't worry; we're here to break down what's happening and why he might have friendzoned you after hooking up.

Why Did He Friendzone Me After We Hooked Up: The Nitty-Gritty

There is not really one reason why he friendzoned me after hook up; there are common explanations that might help you understand what's really going on.

The Emotional Head-F*ck Following the Hookup

Sometimes a hook-up can be as confusing to a guy's heart as it is to your heart. Maybe he thought he could handle something casual, but then he hooked up and started to feel a little off. Maybe he's dealing with emotions he didn't expect: guilt, fear, or affection that he's not ready for. He might shrink back instead of squaring his feelings head-on, friendzone you as a way of hitting the brakes, and process what's happening.

The friendzone might feel like the safer, less complicated option to him. It allows him to keep you in his life without the pressure of figuring out his emotions. Meanwhile, you're left in the dark, wondering why things cooled off after what seemed like a promising connection.

The Main Reason: Out of Fear of Getting Too Close

Getting into a commitment may scare a man, especially if he has been hurt before or is simply not yet ready to settle down. Even in the instance that it was a great hookup, in his mind, it might have spooked him a bit in the direction that you might be going. If he thinks that you are looking for something more than what he is willing to put into it, this can cause him to friendzone you in order to avoid a serious relationship. He stays clear of responsibility and emotional investment that is usually tied to a relationship.

This doesn't mean you did anything wrong; it's more about where he's at emotionally. Maybe he's just not in a place to handle a committed relationship and he's trying to protect himself by putting you in the friendzone.

He Just Wanted a Casual Fling

And here's the bitter truth: sometimes a guy is just being light about it. He might have enjoyed the hookup, but it was never more than that. Friendzoning you is his way of not sending the wrong signal and making sure you both understand that this is not getting into deeper water.

It's hard to hear, especially if you developed feelings for him. But if he friendzoned you after a hookup, then probably that is exactly what he was doing. He might like you, but only as a friend or casual hookup, not as a girlfriend.

He Sees You More as a Friend

Want to believe these excuses he tells you, that he really treasures your friendship and doesn't want to screw that up right now by throwing romance into the mix? Some guys look at you and see that great friend, but they don't want a relationship to get in the way of what they have with you. Because when you hooked up it finally hit him that he really didn't want to lose you, he'll pull back some and try to keep you in the friendzone.

This is really easy to be super confused about because it feels like a step back. Of course, that doesn't make it hurt any less, but maybe try to realize that his intentions are in the right place—not that you particularly wanted to be friends with the guy.

It's an Ex-Thing

If he's still hung up on an ex, that could be a major reason why he friendzoned you. Maybe he's feeling like he's ready to move on and has done so with you, but after getting physical, realized he's not over his past relationship. In that case, friendzoning you may not have anything to do with you; it's mostly focusing on where he's at emotionally. He doesn't want to plunge back into something new when, deep down, he can't get over something old.

He Friendzoned Me but Still Flirts - Is He Just Playing?

Seriously, this is enough to confuse anyone. I totally get it. You decide you can handle it—you can move on and forget the fact that you're just settled as friends—then he throws some comment or little move at you that is just not how "friends" behave, right?

He Loves the Attention

One very likely possibility is that all he wants from you is to be flirted with. This is fun for him, ego-boosting, and he gets to have the benefits of your interest without having to commit to anything with you. This can be most frustrating, because it feels like he's playing with your emotions, and to some extent, he might be, whether he may be aware of it or not.

Maybe he is confused about his own wants. Maybe he does like you but isn't sure if he wants to take things further with you. Flirting might be his way of keeping things light and maintaining his options open, testing the waters, or even figuring out exactly how he feels about you. Unfortunately, that leaves you stuck in a gray area, unsure of where you stand.

He Wants to Keep You Around

He might find that the flirting keeps you in his pocket should he one day want things to get serious. By flitting about with you, he keeps that spark alive between the two of you, should he decide he wants to move things to the next level in the future. They do that not to hurt but just because they don't want to lose you, even though they are not ready to go further.

If you're dealing with mixed signals, it's okay to call him out on it. Let him know how the flirting affects you, especially if you're trying to move on. Setting boundaries can help protect your emotions and make it clear that you're not interested in playing games.

Related: How to Catfish Someone

He Friendzoned Me but Gets Jealous? What's Up with That?

Jealousy is one of those strange feelings that completely contradicts what the person says they want. If he friendzoned me but gets jealous whenever I show interest in others, it's confusing as heck. You might even ask yourself, "Does he like me or am I super friendzoned?". Here's what might be happening:

He's Keeping His Options Open

He might have put you in the friendzone, but that doesn't mean he's okay with someone else having your attention. Possibly, he is trying to keep his options open. He might not want to commit to you, but he won't like it if you move ahead with someone else. That is, of course, being selfish, but at the same time, it is a very common behavior among many guys.

He's Really Insecure

Maybe one of the reasons he gets jealous is that he is insecure. He fears losing your attention, thinking that maybe he knows you have a caring heart. He does not want to be in a relationship, but he will be somewhat incomplete, as he needs the validation and the support he does not get from anyone but you. This tends to stir feelings of jealousy within him.

He's Still Figuring Things Out

He may also be jealous. That could be because he has unresolved feelings toward you. He might be struggling with his emotions, trying to figure out if he really wants them to be platonic things or if he actually likes you more than he's letting on. His jealousy may be an involuntary reaction he doesn't even understand yet.

Whatever the cause, his jealousy is an indicator of something else beneath the surface. If it's concerning to you, by all means, ask him about it. Tell him his behavior doesn't make any sense and you'd really appreciate some clarity about where you stand.

Does He Like Me or Am I Just Super Friendzoned? How to Tell

That is the million-dollar question, isn't it? It's hard to tell definitely whether he likes you or you're permanently in the friendzone. Here are a few signs to look out for:

Signs He May Like You:

He's Always Flirty: Sure, every person is flirtatious and outgoing once in a while, but if he is flirty most times, this may be because he has a crush on you.
He Finds Time for You, or He Makes It: Much is in play here. When he goes off to the extent of trying to meet you when he is alone, maybe he likes you but just unsure about taking a relationship to the next level.
Remembering Small Details: Is he going to remember the detail of your conversations, the likes and dislikes that you have? This may be an indicator that he pays particular attention when he is interested enough.
He's Physically Affectionate: A little extra touch here, a hug that lingers there might mean he's feeling something more than friendship.

Signs You're Super Friendzoned:

He Talks About Other Women: If he keeps talking about how he is interested in other girls all the time, then he really does consider you just a friend.
He Avoids Anything Romantic: Does he dodge situations that could lead to romantic moments, like dinner dates or movie nights? He might be trying to keep the vibe strictly platonic.
He Says He Just Wants to Be Friends: If he's directly told you that he's not interested in anything more—take it at face value. He might not be playing hard to get; he might genuinely just see you as a friend.
He Doesn't Flirt Back: If you were to try to flirt and he didn't, or worse, he actually seemed uncomfortable, that is a sign if there ever was one.

If you're getting mixed signals, trust your gut and consider talking to clear the air. It's better to know where you stand than to be stuck in limbo, overthinking every situation.

How to Deal with the Letdown: He Put Me in the Friendzone After Dating

Being friendzoned after dating is a whole different level of confusing and hurtful. You thought you were building something more, only to find out he doesn’t feel the same. When you realize "oh, he friendzoned me after dating", it’s hard to process the sudden shift. Here’s how to handle it:

Process Your Feelings

It's okay to feel hurt, unaccepted, confused. You most probably invested much time and emotions in someone who now wants to dial it back. Give yourself the permission to just face and feel what is going on, may it be sadness, anger, or disappointment. Otherwise, bottling it up will just make it harder to move on.

Try and have an open talk with him if you haven't already. Ask him why he chose to friendzone you after the hookup. His reasons may make you understand and finally give you closure to move on. Be ready to hear his answer, which might not be a box of roses but still better than wondering in the dark.

Think About If You Can Be Friends

This is the big question: Can you actually be friends with him after this? It could be quite tempting to want to keep him in your life if at all possible, but if it's going to hurt you elsewhere in the long run, it's definitely something to second-think. Don't be afraid to take a step back if being just friends is something that might turn out to be beyond your capacity.

Stay Healed

Put yourself first. Focus on things that make you happy and help you feel better about the situation. Whether that means spending time with your friends, doing your hobbies, or just taking some "me time," do what you need to do to start the healing or move on. You deserve to be with someone who is on the same page as you fully.

How to Handle Being Friendzoned After a Hookup

So now he friendzoned me after hook up - it sucks, but here’s what to do next:

Step 1: Take a Deep Breath and Assess How You Really Feel

Take the time to really realize how you feel more than anything before whatever else. Are you angry that you wanted more from him, or confused by a sudden shift? Carrying your emotions on your sleeve will assist you in going to what's next.

Step 2: Talk It Out—If You Can

If you have not come to understand why he placed you in the friendzone, then do what you can to try to work out this issue in a straightforward discussion. Try asking him why the change and what his reasoning was in placing you in the friendzone. He might be awkwardly evasive in his response, but it's better to know than to be left wondering what went wrong.

Step 3: Refocus on Yourself

Doing something like this, after the dust has settled, can be easy to get caught up in what you could have done different. Rather, focus on yourself. Start doing things that bring you joy and comfort—activities that make you feel confident. In other words, not only will it help you in healing but also remind you that you are worth more than a person who doesn't appreciate you fully.

Step 4: Decide If You're Okay Being Just Friends

Finally, ask yourself: Can you realistically be friends with him? If the idea of him with somebody else makes you literally feel ill to your stomach, or literally just hanging out with him feels unbearable, let yourself take a little time away. It's okay if you need to remove yourself in order to get over it.

Moving On: What's Next After Being Friendzoned?

In the end, being friendzoned after a hookup is not the end of the world, even if that is how it will feel at that time. It's a chance to reassess what you want in a relationship and who you want it with. You deserve somebody just as excited about you as you are about them.

So, take this as a learning curve. You know now what you want and what you don't. From the next time, do look out for someone who values you, your feelings, and whom you are on the same page with concerning what they want. The right person will make you feel self-assured, loved, and appreciated—without the friendzone.